Wednesday, August 18, 2004


After her brush with Gary on the “other side”, J. started visiting psychics and mediums, interested to know more about the phenomenon. At the time she was dating a British video director, though they were having trouble because he was a very superficial guy. Like many of the men she has dated over the years he was far more interested in being seen with her, than in really getting to know her. As J’s. explorations took her further and further “out there” the distance between them grew to a point where she began to feel that it was pointless to continue dating him.

So of course he hung on hard and attempted to please her by at least appearing to be interested in the things that interested her. At the time she was reading a book called 11:11, which is about a doorway between dual realities – very heady stuff. She was also really interested in the higher consciousness that exists in dolphin pods and the experiences of people who would swim with wild dolphins. When they went to Mexico she tried to explain some of the theories behind these ideas to him and in his arrogant, leather pants wearing, hot shot rock video director way, he basically declared the lot of it to be a crock.

She refused to have sex with him for the rest of the trip.

The relationship was well and truly on the rocks. When they got home, in a desperate effort to win her back, he planned an evening up at his house, high in the Hollywood Hills, wherein he would make her dinner and then they would have a session with a channeler that he had found after making inquiries. J. was very appreciative of the effort he was making and so on a dark, rainy Friday night she and S. ate a romantic candlelit dinner and waited for the channeler to arrive.

She showed up about 9:30pm, a regular looking woman with dark hair. She appeared to be in her early 30s and was still dressed in her work clothes. She looked like she worked at a bank. There was a fire in the fireplace, and it cast the room in a warm glow. J. lit some candles and then settled on the couch in front of the fire – S. sat next to her on her left, and the channeler sat in the armchair to her right.

The woman closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. J. closed her eyes as well, breathing deeply and moving into a meditative state. The channeler started talking, giving both J. and S. information about their lives and their relationships past and present. And then she said to J., “There is an entity here that would like to communicate with you directly, if you will give your permission.”

Thinking that the entity would speak to her through the channeler, of course J. said yes.

But that’s not what happened. As she sat there in her very relaxed state, breathing deeply, she became aware of something moving into her body, or perhaps she was moving into it. But whatever was happening she was aware that everything around her appeared to be green as if she were looking through a green pane of glass, or green sunglasses. At the same time her legs and arms began to move, seemingly of their own volition. Her legs bent, angled out the sides, her knees moving close to her shoulders, her toes pointing down. Her arms spread out, her elbows lifted high, her hands pointing downward and constricting into claw like points.

Oddly, she never felt frightened, only curious at the sensation of her “self” being moved aside as if making room for company. The communication that took place was non-verbal, yet she had the distinct feeling of some kind of interaction going on between herself and whatever this thing was that had moved in momentarily. She was aware that S. had moved very quickly down to the other side of the couch, putting as much space as possible between him and her contorted body.

After about 15 minutes, during which time the channeler stayed in what seemed to be a meditative state and S. stayed curled in the fetal position at the end of the couch trying not to whimper like a little girl, J. felt the entity (for lack of a better term) leave her body and her limbs relaxed. The channeler opened her eyes and looked at J. in amazement. She said that she had never seen that happen before and that J. was clearly a very open channel herself. With training she could learn to connect to the other dimensions and channel at will.

That night S. slept on his side of the bed and never tried to touch J. Their relationship ended days later.

But the channeler turned J. onto Shawn Randall, a well known medium and teacher and began taking classes. And that is where she discovered Staria the entity that she channels to do healing work. She learned to move herself aside and allow Staria to come in and counsel people. I’ve had several conversations with Staria, who is delightful, and has a higher pitched voice and a much bigger vocabulary that J. During a particularly stressful time in my life Staria gave me an image that I often think of when things suck and it was this: If you can see that life is a horse that is moving forward and that you are the one holding the reins, then you can also see that you have a choice, and it is this – you can either get on the horse and ride, or you can get dragged along behind it, but the horse is going to keep going.

As one who has a hard time determining that fine line between tenacity and masochism, I find myself thinking on that often and it makes me laugh. Because for a disembodied entity hanging out in J's. bikini bod – Staria’s not only wise, but pretty funny too.

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