Wednesday, February 14, 2007


I freaking hate Valentine's Day.

I hated it back in elementary school when we bought those boxes of 100 valentines wrapped in shiny red cellophane to fill out and pass around at school the next day. It was an opportunity for the mean girls to leave people out. It was less like the day of love and more like the day of leaving people out.

It's still kind of like that if you're single. Even if you're happy single the media barrage drives it into your head that somehow you're missing out if you don't have someone to buy you roses and AOL has helpfully provided a code so that you know what the colors mean if someone does.

Pity the man that buys his girlfriend yellow roses.

Whether I'm with someone or not I'm usually cranky on Valentine's Day. I don't like feeling manipulated and I find that even though I swear I'm not buying in and I don't care, I do. You know, like I say I don't want anything but then get upset when Adi doesn't do anything. And I really DON'T want anything because I'm super picky and we kind of don't have matching sensibilities in areas like this and I hate pretending that I really like the bottle of Jovan Musk for women that I know he got at Big Lots. And this is where he shops people. When we were at his parents house in Jersualem there were items there still sporting the Big Lots stickers that he had sent them as gifts.

I hate to say it but when it comes to gifts it's not the thought that counts with me.

I prefer that he let me know that he wants to spend time with me and then if it happens great. If not, at least I know he wanted to. And this is where it is the thought that counts.

I think this is probably true for most women. But maybe not. Women constantly surprise me.

Anyway, single or double I wish all my beloveds a Happy Valentines Day. I would love to be with you all eating chocolate bon bons and drinking scotch, but I have to go upstairs where Adi is lying prone, moaning because his back is out.

And even though he can barely walk or get himself on and off the john, and I definitely won't be getting any tonight, he wants to spend time with me.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007


I will start by admitting that I am completely hormonal and PMS is in da house, but that said, it doesn't mean that I'm wrong about this. In fact, it's something that I've said before when I was completely sane and normal but perhaps because I wasn't shrieking it my sentiments did not have the same impact.

Tonight Adi and I went to have dinner. We went to Sushi King which is not the best, but it's very good. And very reasonably priced. And we had a really amazing sea bass in misoyaki sauce. Amazingly, melt in your mouth, praise Jesus good. The kind of good that makes you moan aloud.

But when the meal was over his comment was, "We paid almost $50 and other than the sea bass the sushi was so-so." Okay that's his opinion. He's wrong, but still he's entitled to his opinion.

What he's not entitled to is the relentless focus on the negative. Could he say, "that was the best piece of sea bass I ever had" ?????


Because although I love the guy he has the propensity to be the black cloud of death sometimes. Take this past weekend. We come back to my house on Saturday afternoon, my just cleaned by the housekeeper who costs me $75 which I cannot afford but treat myself to all the same about once every 5 weeks. You can really tell that your house has been cleaned when you wait that long (she says, accentuating the positive). His first words when he walks in the door is "Whew, the cat box stinks."

Now this might've been true, Molly's stomach has been upset and it's not a good smell, but he fucking ruined my experience of walking into my spotless, clean and sparkling house because he had to focus on this one negative thing that I remedied by cleaning the box and carrying the "smell" out to the trash.

This continued into Saturday night when we went out and I looked great and his first comment was that I might want to button my blouse one more button.

Part of this is due, I think to his belief that the world is waiting with bated breath for his approval - I don't know if this is an Israeli thing, although it does seem that most Israelis I know speak in a cadence that is either signifying approval or disgust - and part of it is that he honestly thinks the sharing of his opinion is benefitting me in some way.

Me? I have opinions to share all the time. Any of my friends would acknowledge that I am constantly sharing my opinion and indicating approval or lack thereof. And yes, I will often share with Adi, my opinion about stuff in his life, BUT I am sensitive to the fact that HE is EXTREMELY sensitive and I time the sharing of my opinion to those moments when he might best be able to hear me or at least be able to civilly let me know that now is not the time. And some of my opinions he just can't handle and I keep them to myself because in the big picture it's not that important that I share them if it's going to make him feel bad or bring him down.

He doesn't just spread his cloud of observational negativity over me either, no, he told our friend who is remodeling the place below that he thought he was insane to be spending $11,000 for his new kitchen that he was so excited about. And yes, this is probably true, but it's not his kitchen or his money and he freaking blighted this man's joy.

This rant is totally hormone fueled and truly he is a wonderful guy, a great friend and the kindest person you could ever meet. But tonight I completely lost it in the car coming home and told him that for the next 4 days he REALLY needs to only say the positive things out loud.

All the other thoughts, feelings and opinions?

He should fucking Zip It.

And what I know for sure is this: when I am able to more normally comport myself I am still going to think this would be a good thing.

I might even put it into practice myself.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


My friend Allison sent me a bunch of books on CD so that I could listen to them when I went up north last year. It's a fairly new thing for me the books on tape. I usually listen to music when I'm driving. Music that I've put together. My own play list soundtrack to whereever I'm going.

But I thought, since I would be traveling alone, that I would try the books on tape. (I know they're on CD but I also still refer to a band's new CD as their new album. I figure my friends now what I mean.)

I have to say I am completely addicted. The time goes by much more quickly and I am, for the most part, completely entertained if not engrossed. I mean I really prefer to read a book. I love reading, but being read to is not so bad. It brings back memories of being read to when I was a kid, without the lap to sit in.

I am for the most part pretty wrapped up in the storytelling, although I have to say that one of them (one my mom gave me) I couldn't listen to all the way through because the guy that wrote it was also reading it and I kept getting distracted by his vocal inflections and my mind would wander into wondering what his home life was like and did his nasal tones make his wife crazy, because that's one of those things that might not bother you at first, but after a few years could just make you snap one day...

See! Unless the reader is very good my mind goes off in crazy directions. Sometimes I'm amazed by my ability to think about stuff I need to do and listen with half my brain to the story and retain it. Of course other times I miss my off ramp and suddenly realize that I have no idea where I am. That's pretty weird.

My favorites so far are the Janet Evanovich, Stephanie Plum books, read by Lori Petty who does a really tremendous job. I'd read the books and I have to say that Lori pretty much had down the characters voices that I heard in my head while I was reading. Except for Ranger. I gave him a more basso voice without the Puerto Rican accent.

The one I'm listening to now, The Rule of Four, is pretty good as far as the reader goes. He's an actor too I think, although not one that I've ever heard of - he has theater guy hair in the photo on the box, so maybe he's from the stage. But in this case the story, the writing itself is not real tight and I find myself wondering if I would be skipping over stuff if I were actually reading it.

There are weaknesses that I might not notice so glaringly if I were reading (and skipping over stuff), like a character got killed about 15 chapters ago and there's really never been much mention of it since and this is one of the major plot points because it's supposed to tell us that the thesis that Paul is writing (about the Hypnerotomachia Pollipholi - I have no idea if I spelled that right and I forgot how to write the html to do links so if you want to see what the hell that is you will have to coyp and paste this link is worth killing someone over. So I keep wondering what's going on with Bill's murder? Why is no one really mentioning it? This morning while I was sitting in traffic I realized that maybe only a day or two have passed since Bill was shot - it feels like freaking eons what with all the historical exposition into renaissance history and people like Savonarola and his bonfires.

That stuff is interesting to me and I would totally get on-line and find out more about it if I had time, but it's bogging down the story, and I feel like a little kid who is being read to and who forcibly turns pages when things get boring.

Why does life seem a lot easier for three year olds?

I don't know if I would finish this book if I were reading it. Lord knows I have more than a few unfinished books lying around right now. I like books on CD though and to date I have listend to all of them - except for nasal man's book - all the way to the end because what the heck, I'm getting where I'm going and it keeps me off the phone. Alos lately when I try to read I'm having to close one eye to get the words to come into focus and I fall almost immediately to sleep. I'm quite looking forward to the bunch more I have to get through.

I just hope that the readers don't have annoying voices. Don't you think that's something they should check before hiring them?

I'd love to find a so-so book about unicorns and rainbows and other happy thoughts that's read by someone with a really soothing voice. I could play it on my clock radio when I'm going to sleep at night. It would be a lot nicer than Leno.

Friday, February 02, 2007


Or at least across town...

I got a speeding ticket when I was driving back from my NoCal journey at the first of the year. It was stupid because I was on Kanan and everyone knows that Kanan is a speed trap. I certainly know it because I use that road to go from P.C.H. to the 101 a lot. You cannot miss the CHP sitting there like vultures.

Except I had to pee and I was running out of gas and I had been driving since 5 a.m. and it was now 10 a.m. I was also experiencing a dramatic relapse of the chest cold I'd had since Thanksgiving.

So I was cruising along at 70 in a 55 and I SAW the C.H.P. car facing me, the morning sun glinting off the radar gun pointed at me and it barely registered except for a dull, "Oh Fuck," and a huge sigh of resignation as he pulled out and made a U-turn to pull me over.

At the least the desparate need to pee disappeared.

Today marked 4 weeks since I got the ticket and I needed to call the court and find out about going to traffic school. I'm eligible because it's been about 10 years since my last ticket. The last time I had a ticket I got a notice in the mail with a court date and I showed up and asked for traffic school which I got and attended (and met a guy that I made out with when we went for a drink afterwards, but that's another story.) Now you can call and process your ticket over the phone. Or use the internet.

I wanted to speak with a person because I figured I could get them to give me traffic school over the phone. But to actually speak with a person on the phone requires 8 minutes of listening to recordings and punching stuff in. Today everytime I would get to the place where I might be able to talk to a person the phone would ring and I would have to hang up and take care of business and then start over.

This was because Adi had washn't answering his cell phone so his calls were ringing into the office. Normally this is totally fine, but today when I was on my fourth attempt to get through and the phone rang yet again and in frustration I answered it, shrieking, "(Name of the company), can I HELP you?" I wasn't just on the verge I was completely over the edge and thankfully the customer on the other end of the phone has a good sense of humor and laughed. Somewhat fearfully but it was still a laugh.

At this point I gave up on the phone route and decided to try the internet.

Big mistake.

The only thing I am entitled to do on the internet is request an extension or get a court date. The first court date they would give me was 3 days after the due date on my ticket. Because there was no human of whom I could ask questions I assumed that I would get in trouble for going in after my due date, and applied for an extension thinking that I would then go get a court date way before that date.

But no. The extension is to April 17th and the first court date they would give me was April 18th. What the fuck? So now this is going to drag on and it may be June before this is off my list of things to do.

Unless I can get through on that phone system on next week.

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