Friday, January 21, 2005


I got home one night about a week ago to a message from my dad, "Hi there darling daughter. I was wondering about whether or not it would be okay to stay with you the weekend of the 28th because we are having the house tented and fumigated."

Not an unreasonable request, and on the face of it one would assume that he and his wife need a place to stay while their house is uninhabitable and so, would like to come to L.A. and hang out for that weekend. Because that makes sense right?

But we're talking about my dad who, although he possesses a masters degree and worked as an educator for years and had, with my mother and now with his wife, a counseling practice wherein he works with others to clear up past and present traumas and make life feel a little better, is unable to communicate clearly with me about what he really wants.

So I called and left a message saying that it would be cool. I would be in town and I could leave them a key. I got no response to the phone message. And then I remembered that the last time he made this request referring vaguely to "we" what he really meant was "he" wanted to stay with me, and "he" wanted to spend time with me. Unfortunately because I very rarely hear him say "I" anymore when talking about the doings in his life I make the wrong assumptions.

So I sent him and e-mail and asked specifically "who" would be coming and staying over the weekend and what was on the schedule - you know so I could make my own plans if indeed they just wanted a place to crash. Turns out that my father's wife is going to a womyn's seminar in Idyllwild that weekend and so my dad wants to come hang out with me. Maybe see a movie on Saturday and then on Sunday he'd do fix-it stuff around the house.

And this pleases me no end and I am looking forward to spending the time with him.

I just wish that he would've called and said that's what he wanted to do. Because it's really all I ever want from my dad is to feel like he wants to spend time with me. And most the time I feel like the consolation prize, the runner up that's available when his wife is doing something else.

Yes, I am aware that she's going off to her womyn's workshop and so, if I wanted to have hurt feelings I could take that perspective, but I choose not to, becuase I'm just glad to be able to spend time with my dad. Who has no idea how to communicate with me.

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