SURREAL OCTOBER NACHT

Last night I went to watch Monday night football, which in and of itself is not an unusual thing. What was unusual was that I went to Schatzi's on Main where Oktoberfest was in full swing which lent an air of surreality to the viewing of the game. First of all, when we got there we found a long line of people waiting to get in. And then when we got to the front of the line the smiling German women in their colorful dirndl's didn't seem to "get" that we had a reservation so I found myself standing at someone named Hans's table, but he told us that we couldn't sit with him because he had so many people coming he didn't even have enough chairs. Um, whatever, I don't know you I'm just doing what the hostess told me to do Hans.

It was weird - like one of those things that used to happen when I was stoned. And I'd think it was me, but it wasn't. It's just random weirdness that in retrospect was easier to roll with when stoned.

We moved back through the massing throng of mostly men all shouting over the sound of the polka band, to the hostess who finally checked her list and found that, yes indeed there was a reservation in our name! And so we followed another woman in lederhausen to a small table that was squeezed into a small spot on the patio with a perfect view of the big screen AND the polka band. I immediately ordered a martini from Claudia the adorably sweet waitress from Romania or Bulgaria I forget which, and settled in to watch a bit of the game. It was a good game, a close one, but I kept getting distracted by the crowd. The women all seemed to be sporting over processed hair and big fake boobs. The men were all white and thick around the middle, much like the men you'd find in the midwest. Lots of people were speaking German.

And then there was the band. Grown men in lederhausen and knee socks. And these leather shorts were pretty much short shorts and tight. They weren't the usual chubby, jovial, red cheeked and balding men with paunches that one usually sees in an ooompah band at Oktoberfest - no, these guys were in the 20s and 30s and I think they were all from the motherland. They played "Sweet Home Alabama" at one point in the evening and that accodian player really rocked his squeeze box.

Dinner was pretty much meat: ground beef patties with gravy, roated pork with gravy, roasted chicken, breaded and baked chicken, bratwurst, nachwurst, and smoked pork; and white carbs: potato salad, roasted potatoes, spaetzle, dumplings. But there was also sauerkraut - both red and regular, and I found some sliced tomatoes and some sliced cucumbers. It was very much like dining in Wisconsin.

With all that food and festivity I kind of forgot my two drink limit. Plus I was smoking a cigar an activity that really should be done with a drink in hand. So after my second martini we talked Claudia into having a drink with us - she suggested a shot of vanilla vodka with some lime juice - a twist on the classic kamikaze. Well sure, why not? Excellent suggestion. It was very tasty and it didn't make me feel much different than I already did. It was one of those experiences where the situation is a little bizarro so you can't tell if you're buzzed or not. Bizarro enough that when Rick left to go put fuel in his lighter and the lech at the table next to me leaned over and said, "You know when you stood up and turned around a minute ago, my friend Joe commented that you have a really great ass and I just wanted to let you know I think so too." I just smiled and blithely replied, "Oh thank you, I was just at the gym working on it this morning." So I must have been drunk because my normal response would've been a withering stare and maybe the word "oh." But I swear I didn't feel the alcohol.

At least not until this morning - when I woke up with a time released hangover. I may not have been swinging from the chandeliers and doing the chicken dance, but I was definitely buzzed enough to pay today. Despite the aspirin and the litre of water I woke up fuzzy and I am currently brain dead which explains why this post is what it is.

I know my limit is two. But I was having a surreally good time at Oktoberfest.