TEA SANDWICHES & TOILET PAPER

This weekend I went to a bridal shower for my friend the gorgeous E. who will be featured in Maxim's Hottest 100 Women. I really really hate showers for many reasons, but mainly because they always take place in the middle of the day on a weekend day thus effectively destroying any chance I have of getting anything else done because I don't really have time in the morning and when I get home I have a couple hours before I have to leave again for the evening. And, indeed that's how it went down this weekend.

This shower had it's positive points though because it was at darling V's house which is a lovely place to be, and all the women who came were really fun. No mean, catty sorority girls standing around in judgement of each other. It was a crowd of actresses for the most part, and models, lots of skinny beautiful women. Who didn't really eat all the fabulous food, but that was okay - more tea sandwiches for me! And cherries and berries in chocolate fondue, yum!

I had thought that because E. is a non-traditional kind of girl that perhaps I would be spared games, but no. Inevitably I found myself with a pen and paper answering questions and whoever got the most right wins. I usually don't win, but this time I did, and it was only because when she arrived I commented on the giant beaded toe ring she was sporting on her big toe and she told me that her fiance had taken her shopping and bought her everything she was wearing. In fact, he had put her whole outfit together so when it came to playing a game about what she was wearing, well, let's just say I had an advantage over everyone else. Next we all put on a horrible shade of red lipstick and played a version of Pin the tail on the Donkey that involved kissing a black and white headshot of Keanu Reeves. And then I thought we'd be done. I though I had dodged the toilet paper wedding dress game. But no. Out come the rolls of toilet paper and thank God I've done it before because I know how to make a badass wedding dress out of toilet paper after years of showers.

We wrapped our model tightly in toilet paper to her knees and then created a mermaid skirt by tucking streamers into the bottom loop of toilet paper. It's kind of a Morticia Addams look, but with the right accessories - a nosegay bouquet and a 20s style veil C.C. looked awesome and was a really good sport about not being able to move. I think the fact that she is the bride's sister may have hurt us in the judging though since E. would never want to be seen playing favorites. The game is a lot of fun when everyone's drinking, but this was pretty much a non-alcoholic shower.

These events are always more fun when there's alcohol. Especially when you get to the present opening. I'm sorry but it's just boring. But it's part of the ritual - the bride opens her gifts and someone writes down what everyone brought and it take sa really really long time. At this particular event the groom to be decided to show up and join his bride. Which just seemed kind of weird, but as long as she was happy.

When he began giving commentary on all of the gifts - I decided it was a good time to go. There's a reason why guys don't do showers. One they're lucky and two they're not up on the rituals and if he got to skip the toilet paper dress making game, he shouldn't get to sit around and make snotty comments about the gifts out loud.

I just focus on how happy E. is - because that's all that matters and that's why I spent my Saturday making a toilet paper wedding dress instead of watching Smarty Jones lose the Belmont - to celebrate her happiness.

Seems like a strange way to do that, doesn't it?