DUDE! LEARN TO DRIVE

Yesterday I was driving to the doctor's office and as I drove I was thinking about the rewrite I'm doing. Because I'm pretty much always thinking about it no matter what I'm doing. As I crossed the intersection heading toward the freeway a white Prius driving next to me signaled that it wanted to get into my lane then proceeded to do so. I slowed to allow the driver to move into the lane in front of me and though to myself, "Wow, that guy's pretty confident, what if I was one of those assholes who speed up on purpose? He would've hit me!"

As we turned the corner and headed toward the onramp I went back to thinking about my script. Once on the freeway I'm cruising along and I become vaguely aware that the guy in the Prius is in the lane on the right waving frantically at me. Since that lane exits to Highland I figured he just wanted to get over again so I slowed to let him get in front of me, but now I'm thinking, "Whoa dude, do you just have no idea where you're at or do you seriously not know how to drive?" I'm also thinking that he was pretty cute from the brief glance I had before I stepped on the brakes to allow him into my lane.

I'm heading toward the exit and I hear "beep, beep, beep," coming up on my left and now I'm thinking he must be totally out of state because people just don't pull up and say thank you for letting me get in front of you on L.A. freeways. I look over smiling and waving and all of a sudden I recognize the guy! It's my friend Ray!! And he's laughing his ass off. I roll down my window and the following exchange takes place at 70 m.p.h. on the 101 South.

Ray: Hey dumbshit!
Me: Oh my God! What are you doing driving a Prius?
Ray: I cut you off twice trying to get your attention!
Me: Call me!

And I zoomed down the offramp. I got home later on to a message from Ray on my answering machine that said that he'd basically been following me since I left work. He'd cut me off twice, almost hit me, tried to call me on my cell phone (it's always off) and was driving the whole way down the freeway honking and waving and trying to get my attention.

And I just thought he was some guy who didn't know how to drive.