Friday, April 05, 2013

Dear Google - you used to be awesome

But now you suck.

You are like that great boyfriend who at the beginning of a relationship is so easy and fun.  Everything just flows and it's like you could read my mind and all my needs were met - you even had stuff I didn't know I needed or wanted like the ability to track my conversations.

But now that we've been together for these past 7+ years you seem to continually be going through an identity crisis.  All of the things that I appreciated about you have been tweaked and changed so that you could keep up with the competition.

It's like coming home to your man to find he's shaved his head and is sporting skinny jeans because it's what's "in" even though he may not be carrying it off so well.

Where you used to be my preferred e-mail platform because things were so clear and organized, you have now become cryptic and almost impossible to decipher.  It's like I'm having a relationship with a Tween who only speaks in memes and wears his pants down below his buttcheeks. 

I am not a complete idiot when it comes to technology so this is not about my inability to figure out the various "new concepts" you keep foisting upon me - no - the issue is that you have become too much work and the "new look" isn't really working that well.

So, while I'm not breaking up with you right this minute I am defnitely open to a new relationship with someone who will give me function and form and ease of use - maybe even rock it a little old school.  Because here's the thing about technology.... it's cool and all but at the end of the day it's a tool to connect people, and if I get so frustrated with your bullshit that I'm using Outlook (seriously, it's got to be bad if I'm reconsidering Microsoft) as my primary means of e-mail communication you need to take a hard look at the choices you are making.

You need to check yourself before you wreck yourself, because I'm predicting that the new trend is going to be humans putting their devices down and spending time together in the same room.  We are going to start missing each other.

If you can make it easier for that to happen you might be on to something.

Your new gmail "compose" is not easier, or better, or faster - it's bullshit (although I do like the colorful, fancy font in the corner of each e-mail) - and I am not the only one who thinks so.  In case you haven't done so, take a look at this article, which is just one of many that I've found from all over the world.

Did you just need some press?

Compose is like "new coke" - I know you all are probably too young to remember that marketing disaster, but it's the perfect illustration of that whole, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" philosophy. How about you try some cross demographic focus groups before you force your "new compose" on users?  Right now it feels like those in the Google bubble were just sitting around thinking up something new to do to rationalize their paychecks.

You do so many things right - it's okay to admit that you occasionally miss the mark. Why don't you all try to figure out a way for people to connect meaningfully in 3D and real time because, as a society and a culture, we are going in the wrong direction.  Thousands of Facebook friends and Twitter followers don't actually make people happy - it just tends to make them neurotic and kind of mean and insecure because everything is a presentation for your followers.  It's getting really weird.

In the meantime I will be switching back to the original format by doing the following:
Pressing the "Compose" button on the left side of the screen.
Then when the new compose box pops up, I will click on the down-arrow icon at the bottom right of the window.
Then I will select "Temporarily switch back to old compose."

Next I will be shopping for a new e-mail address.  Anyone know of something good? - please pass that along.

So vaya con Dios Gmail Compose - seriously it's not me - it's you.

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