I will start by admitting that I am completely hormonal and PMS is in da house, but that said, it doesn't mean that I'm wrong about this. In fact, it's something that I've said before when I was completely sane and normal but perhaps because I wasn't shrieking it my sentiments did not have the same impact.
Tonight Adi and I went to have dinner. We went to Sushi King which is not the best, but it's very good. And very reasonably priced. And we had a really amazing sea bass in misoyaki sauce. Amazingly, melt in your mouth, praise Jesus good. The kind of good that makes you moan aloud.
But when the meal was over his comment was, "We paid almost $50 and other than the sea bass the sushi was so-so." Okay that's his opinion. He's wrong, but still he's entitled to his opinion.
What he's not entitled to is the relentless focus on the negative. Could he say, "that was the best piece of sea bass I ever had" ?????
Because although I love the guy he has the propensity to be the black cloud of death sometimes. Take this past weekend. We come back to my house on Saturday afternoon, my just cleaned by the housekeeper who costs me $75 which I cannot afford but treat myself to all the same about once every 5 weeks. You can really tell that your house has been cleaned when you wait that long (she says, accentuating the positive). His first words when he walks in the door is "Whew, the cat box stinks."
Now this might've been true, Molly's stomach has been upset and it's not a good smell, but he fucking ruined my experience of walking into my spotless, clean and sparkling house because he had to focus on this one negative thing that I remedied by cleaning the box and carrying the "smell" out to the trash.
This continued into Saturday night when we went out and I looked great and his first comment was that I might want to button my blouse one more button.
Part of this is due, I think to his belief that the world is waiting with bated breath for his approval - I don't know if this is an Israeli thing, although it does seem that most Israelis I know speak in a cadence that is either signifying approval or disgust - and part of it is that he honestly thinks the sharing of his opinion is benefitting me in some way.
Me? I have opinions to share all the time. Any of my friends would acknowledge that I am constantly sharing my opinion and indicating approval or lack thereof. And yes, I will often share with Adi, my opinion about stuff in his life, BUT I am sensitive to the fact that HE is EXTREMELY sensitive and I time the sharing of my opinion to those moments when he might best be able to hear me or at least be able to civilly let me know that now is not the time. And some of my opinions he just can't handle and I keep them to myself because in the big picture it's not that important that I share them if it's going to make him feel bad or bring him down.
He doesn't just spread his cloud of observational negativity over me either, no, he told our friend who is remodeling the place below that he thought he was insane to be spending $11,000 for his new kitchen that he was so excited about. And yes, this is probably true, but it's not his kitchen or his money and he freaking blighted this man's joy.
This rant is totally hormone fueled and truly he is a wonderful guy, a great friend and the kindest person you could ever meet. But tonight I completely lost it in the car coming home and told him that for the next 4 days he REALLY needs to only say the positive things out loud.
All the other thoughts, feelings and opinions?
He should fucking Zip It.
And what I know for sure is this: when I am able to more normally comport myself I am still going to think this would be a good thing.
I might even put it into practice myself.