Wednesday, July 13, 2005


So like I was saying, things have a been a little stressful for me lately what with getting laid off and interviewing for lots of jobs that pay very little, and then not getting them. Yesterday I turned a corner though. I had a paradigm shift. I got a shot of courage, or possibly just baptized myself in the river of delusion and denial. See, there's doubt talking.

But really, I decided that perhaps I have been aiming low and playing safe and that is why nothing is happening on the low paying, not challenging because I've been doing this for years job front. Maybe what is next is for me to step into that "someday" scenario and live it like it's today.

Because it is. Today, I mean.

So I'm beating out the next script. Beating is actually a really accurate word because it's often effortful to sit here in front of the computer and write coherently. And, you know, like tell a story. Yesterday I was talking to one of my best friends, who is married to one of the first writers I ever worked for and she told me that he really has to force himself to go sit down and do it. This was news to me because he always made it seem so effortless. I swear the guy writes so prolifically he's like those ballroom dancers who make it look so easy. It wasn't until Dancing with the Stars that you got to see how hard it really is to keep that smile on your face and remember all the steps. So, I was happy to hear that this writing thing is sometimes hard for him too. Not because he's suffering, but because it's apparently normal for this to feel challenging.

Luckily for me I have places I can go when I need a little break. Today Dooce made me laugh out loud. And then there's Gary whose video makes me strangely happy every time I watch it and finally this guy who is pretty much joyful expression personified. I'm pretty much crushing on him.

The point is that no matter how bad, or scared, or depressed I might feel it's nice to know that I can still laugh. If you can laugh out loud, how bad can it be?

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