Thursday, September 30, 2004


Wednesday nights are going to be my new “must see TV” nights. Or at least a reason to get Tivo. I am, so far, underwhelmed by the new fall season. Of course I don’t have any shows that I’m attached to, other than Joan of Arcadia and that was starting to get a little tired by the end of last season. Oh, and I am very addicted to America’s Next Top Model, but I think I’ve mentioned that.

But last night was ANTM night so I blocked out my schedule and made a delicious meal and my friend Kalli stopped by on her way to her husbands gig because she loves the ANTM too. She didn’t make it until the final elimination but she really did miss much. There’s too many girls and only a few standouts. There were some pictures taken last night and there was some drama in the house which is honestly what I tune in for – the psycho drama. And it looks like Ann will be the queen of psycho drama for this season.

On the way to Jamaica they hit a little turbulence and Ann has a meltdown. Like a total baby meltdown wherein she calls Eva momma and has to go lay in her lap. And while Ann is a pretty girl with good bone structure and a great body she’s got no idea what to do with it and I’m thinking it could be that she’s a lesbian who is repressing her tendencies which precludes her from giving the camera that come fuck me look that all good models should have down pat.

It’s strange that by the time you’re old enough to be comfortable with your sexuality and to have some experience with sexuality, you’re too old to be America’s Next Top Model. But whatever. After Jamaica Magdalena gets launched – she doesn’t even get to move in to the Waldorf Astoria house. Which is way cool, but using cameras to decorate just seems a little too on the nose. At the house Ann melts down again because she wants to share a room with Eva and Eva is like the last one through the door so she ends up taking the bed in the family room. Ann is VERY upset by this.

I missed the third act because I was talking to Kalli on the phone, catching her up, but the gist was that everyone hates Kelle the black girl who was raised in “Sea Gate - the last gated community in New York.” She needs to stop saying that it really bugs. The girls all hate her because she comes from money and she has to talk about it all the time. Even when she’s talking about how everyone hates her she can’t help but drop in that she’s wearing Gucci pants. She is just, like, so totally annoying.

Eva still has big attitude, but now she’s a little less mean and abrasive. Or at least they’re editing her that way. Tocarra has got waaaaaaaay too much energy. She exhausts me. Ya Ya was a standout this week. At least in the photo shoot. I can’t really remember if she said anything because she kind of blends in with all the rest of them. This is how I keep them straight: Cassie is the stripper, Jennipher has reaaaaally long hair, Kristi is the blond, republican with no neck, Norelle has braces and is kind of awkward and funny looking, Julie is there to represent the culture of India, Amanda is blind and there’s this girl Nicole that I somehow missed – I have no idea who Nicole is, unless she’s the girl who gets drunk and will fuck anybody. I remember that girl from last week but I didn’t think they picked her, although when you think about it that would a great reason to pick her, so maybe they did.

So after ANTM comes Taye Diggs as Kevin Hill. Kalli arrived just in time to say bye to Leah with the “mad eyes” on ANTM and see what’s coming up next week – platinum blonde hair and a weave for Amanda, so we kind of missed the very first part of the show because we were talking and pouring the wine and getting dinner. We came in on the first act and he’s already got the baby. Damn, that was fast. They killed off the cousin in the teaser. I love Taye Diggs. He’s the kind of beautiful man that you look at and you kind of stop paying attention to anything he’s saying because you’re so busy looking at his mouth. And noticing that the color of his tie matches his lips perfectly and it’s kind of mesmerizing. The show itself was great and when Kalli and I took a puff of pot I could’ve turned the sound off and just watched him. But the sound was on and the show was well written.

At one point Kalli says, “You know this is kind of like Ally McBeal.” And I’m like, “Yeah, except that he’s an alpha male, but you’re right it’s kind of that ‘whole new world’ thing with the baby angle.” It was good pot. I taped the show and I’ll watch it again. And again. But stoned or not, I think it’s good. I don’t know where they got this baby girl, but she is so cute and I swear she rolls her eyes on cue. Whoever directed the show shoots everything and everyone in close up – tons of close ups. It kind of reminded me of The Courtship of Eddie’s Father which I remember also seemed to have lots of close ups. I could use some more master shots for context. So much so close kind of detracts from shots where you see Kevin Hill in profile leaning down to Sara, his new baby girl and she’s such a cute baby and he’s such a hot guy – I still went “aaaaahhhhh” out loud, but the pay off was diminished because I’d been seeing everything so close up all the time.

After Kevin Hill Kalli took off for the gig and I switched over to ABCs wife swap. I saw a preview of this on Sunday and was riveted and last night did not disappoint. I don’t know where they found these people, but they’re all kind of extreme. Last night featured Jodi, a millionaress, and that’s the actual word they used to describe her, who has never worked a day in her life, and spends most of her day doing “me time” swaps with Lynn who works two jobs, cleans the house, cooks for the family and raises the kids. Jodi’s lifestyle is extreme in that she has 4 nannies for 3 kids AND a housekeeper, AND a driver. I was surprised she didn’t have a butt wiper. Lynn looks weathered and older than she probably is and she’s very self aware. I like Lynn. I’m not sure about Jodi.

Jodi’s husband is Steve, aka the soulless bastard. Steve is a workaholic who is all about how much money he has and what he can pay for. He married a rich woman and they have three kids whom neither of them see or spend much time with. These people are so disconnected from reality. Lynn’s husband Brad looks like he might’ve played with the Oakridge Boys back in the day and he basically sits around on his ass and does nothing. I’m sure he has a job, but in this show he’s edited to look as though he literally does nothing but sit around on the couch and watch TV with his two daughters who also do nothing. Ever.

The first week of the swap the women have to live by the rules of the house and they both have a hard time because Lynn isn’t used to doing nothing but shop, spend money and get her hair done while someone else is taking care of the kids. Jodi sure as hell ain’t used to getting up and chopping wood. She does give it a shot though, wearing gold lycra gottex and fur boots, she cuts wood for about 15 minutes and then decides that’s enough. They never show her driving the bus, Lynn’s other job – I don’t think she has a license. Brad and Jodi get into a huge fight where he tells her that she has no idea what reality is and she just can’t believe it. It’s his reality out here in BF nowhere that’s not reality. He should get out more. She does call him out for not appreciating his wife – go Jodi. And then she goes out on the porch and cries because, “no one has ever spoken to me like that before.” I mean I kind of understand, she cleaned the toilet, what’s he so upset about? So what if she’s not doing the six hours of back breaking work and cleaning the house and cooking. I mean who wants to do that? Brad interviews that Jodi isn’t playing by the rules, she was supposed to come here and do his wife’s job. At this point my phone ring and it’s my friend Stephanie who says – “Oh my God, they have a three legged dog!” And I look and realize that yes, indeed they do. ABC found a rural working class family with a three legged dog.

Meanwhile, Lynn is having a horrible time with the soulless bastard who has taken her out to dinner with all of their tony, uptown, New York friends where he is so condescending and the people are so boring and nouveaux riche that I was suffering along with her. She just rolled her eyes and kept her cool and handled it much better than I would have. Steve is one of those people who is doing image maintenance and that’s about it. He is pretty much sucking air that could be used more for more productive purposes than providing this soulless bastard with life.

In the second week, when the women get to change the house rules to their rules all hell breaks loose, and that’s the point of the show really. I start to really like Jodi when she makes Brad do all the cleaning and cooking because she’s going to have “me time”, and the best part is when she tells him that he’s going to take her out for a romantic dinner. Ha! He hates her so much I can’t wait to see that!!!

At Jodi’s house Lynn tells Steve that he will be home by 6:30 to have dinner with her and the kids and she lets the nannies and the housekeeper go. Steve about dies he’s so freaked out by having to deal with his kids. After the first night he just decides that he’s not going to live by those rules and basically tell Lynn to go fuck herself. He treats her like a servant for the remainder of the show, until the final night when she tells him she’s going to a hotel because she won’t allow someone to treat her with so little respect and she feels bad for him that he sees spending time with his family as such a chore. She bails and leaves him alone with his three children and Steve just can’t believe it!

Back in New Jersey Brad is developing a whole new appreciation for Lynn and all that she does. Jodi is in the kitchen making cookies with the two girls and all of their friends that she invited over. It actually looks like a good time. I’m starting to like Jodi who at least is trying to give the girls an idea of what “me time” is. Every woman needs some of that. On the last night when Brad takes Jodi for their romantic dinner they discuss the fact that they actually do like each other and she tells him that he really needs to appreciate all that his wife does. Um, hello! No kidding. Brad gets that now that he’s spent the last week doing all of Lynn’s work as well as his own. Jodi did get out there and help him once he started actually doing something so I guess she was just trying to make a point.

When they swap back Brad is practically sobbing, he’s so glad to have his wife back. The soulless bastard who followed Lynn’s limousine, driving his own Porsche, to the swapping location, just can’t understand why Lynn has such a bad attitude. He’s living in his own private Idaho because there’s not a person out there watching this show who would want to ride in a car with Steve. I feel sorry for Jodi that she has to go home with him because she might’ve been clueless but she’s not soulless.

My favorite part was the very end where Lynn interviews that she’s so happy to be back with her family and that having all that money and lifestyle doesn’t make for happiness. Cut to Jodi who’s spending more time with her kids and Steve who interviews, “so yeah, now we’re spending more time with the kids, and I wouldn’t mind if there was less of that.” What an ass. Final shot is Brad who interviews that now he helps Lynn around the house and he enjoys it because it’s time they spend together. And she says that now she’s got all this extra time for.... me time. And she kind of laughs, but he puts his arm around her and says, “you deserve it.” And I really like Brad and Lynn and Jodi. And I think Steve is a putz.

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